INEVITABILITY

What is INEVITABILITY? It is a set of concepts that do not depend on us, on our perception, desire, willpower. For inevitability, for example, death refers. We all will die someday... Another example of inevitability is the process of growing up – maturing – aging. This is given from the beginning (not by us!) and continues till the very end (we do not know when it will come!). The basis of inevitability is beyond our control, and to be honest, it is beyond our understanding. It is a fact.

Human nature is dual: yes – no, black – white, mom – dad, me – not me. And this very nature evokes a thought about the existence of something opposite to INEVITABILITY. Of course, it is EVITABILITY! That is what can be avoided! How? Through understanding and managing!

Inevitability can sometimes be observed with the help of experience of the years passed: from the top of 18 one can see the inevitability of some events that happened within these 18 years… from the top of 40 (!) becomes obvious a completely different scope of past inevitabilities.

By the way, the concept of INEVITABILITY is absolutely positive! It is impossible to determine whether it’s good or bad, that we all will die someday (this short sketch is not for vampires and immortals!). We cannot decide whether it’s good or bad that the years pass by. We can only speculate that before we used to be braver and faster, but now we are wiser! Nonetheless, the years keep flying by, regardless of our desires and attitudes to them.

However, dealing with EVITABLE is more complicated. It is far from being straight-forward. It can be avoided (if we want to), but it can also be transformed into INEVITABLE. Moreover, EVITABILITY can be wonderful, but it can as well be… quite the contrary.

To give an example: I have a daughter. And this is an absolutely wonderful EVITABILITY! She is beautiful, intelligent and she’s the very-very best – she’s my daughter! And it is frightening to think that I could have avoided this EVITABILITY! But I really could have!

Another example: my close friend is seriously ill. Always been successful, attractive and smart… And suddenly – alcohol addiction. It is a 100% EVITABILITY! We all have been trying to help her avoid it! And there were opportunities, conditions, prerequisites ... But there was no desire!

Let’s look at life as a set of INEVITABILITIES AND EVITABILITIES and accept this system as a given one. Let’s say it is 100%. What is the percentage of inevitabilities in our life? 10%? 20%? 50%?... It doesn’t matter – it is inevitable anyway. So it's better to take these values from the very beginning in our coordinate system for positive (+) and treat them accordingly (positively!).

The remaining 50%..30%..20%?.. of evitabilities are worth being reviewed in detail. Since it is a matter of evitability, then it can be avoided. But under one condition: if we want!

For example (an imaginary one), a family is on the edge of a scandal: a daughter in her teenage years, parents eight months without a vacation… the tension is felt every evening during dinner. Is it INEVITABILITY? Absolutely not! Either one of the parents (even though tired of work) is able to change this situation. Let me take the position of the mother here. I’d observe the situation: the daughter is having constant splashes of hormones and is suffering from the lack of life experience. The observation from the husband’s perspective is somewhat clearer: life experience - OK, but he’s simply tired! Once I turn my outlook to this position, another potential scandal over dinner becomes an EVITABILITY.

What’s the nature of EVITABILITY? Where’s that point, in which an evitability is still evitable so that we are free to avoid it?

TO BE CONTINUED...