JOHN WELWOOD: "JOURNEY OF THE HEART: INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP AND THE PATH OF LOVE". PART 3
Relationship as the place of "heavenly funeral".
To some extent, lots of us have a caricatured idea about the bliss of relationships. Some of us tend to think that they should provide us with constant security and comfort and protect us from the necessity to face rough reality. Sometimes we have a fantasize that if we meet the right person, it will save us from having to deal with loneliness, disappointment, despair, horror or decay.
But everyone who has ever been committed to a long-term relationship has probably experienced this common quality of a relationship. Sometimes it can easily become a cemetery.
Trungpa Rinpoche assumes that if we learn how to work with this "crude situation" and accept this aspect of the relationship, "there might appear a spark of sympathy between two people, some surrender and revelation becomes possible. Awakening happens only by meeting with the chaos and neurotic patterns of our ego. But this is often the last thing we want to deal with in a relationship.
Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche said that all our neuroses are based on the fact that "the enormous areas of our lives are dedicated to avoiding our actual personal experience at any cost. Now we have a chance to explore this huge area of our existence through our relationship, which we so carefully tried to avoid. This idea may seem very dark, but also extremely exciting. The awakening begins right here. "Heavenly funeral" is when we dare to explore ourselves. We become fantastically vulnerable and at the same time feel that we can give birth to a new world. The spiritual potential of a close relationship with another human being is really enormous, only in the case when we are sincere with ourselves and our partners, when we do not try to idealize them, but rather accept all their features, both positive and negative.
Swami Rudrananda (Rudy) once said: "Do not seek perfection in me. I want to admit my own imperfection, I want to understand it because it is part of the infinity of my growth. At this stage of your life, with all the trash that you allowed to fill yourself with, it's completely senseless to pretend to be perfect and fool yourself and others. By splitting this rough material, you grow and absorb energy. You create yourself from inside out. That rough material is your ego, prejudice, and self-limitations. If you recycle and clean it all, you can open in a conscious manner. Otherwise, you will never get to know who you really are.
The only thing that can create unity within you is the ability to see yourself better and to open deeper in the process of daily work. Ability to say: "Well, I'm quick-tempered" or "Excellent, I love to make money" or "I do not care about anyone at all." You should recognize all these manifestations in yourself, and you can finally take a deep breath and allow all this to be manifested."
Rudy argues that we must recognize our imperfection and turn it into a spiritual path.
TO BE CONTINUED...